remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
