when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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