Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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