do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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