he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
