I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
