I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
