I cockslap morals
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So much Jack, so little girl.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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