Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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