no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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