Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
