Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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