There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
