this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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