Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
