god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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