you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
