If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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