We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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