I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
