This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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