I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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