I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
