Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
