party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize