if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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