Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
