Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i will never coherently bang her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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