RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You dont lie about slip and slides
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
