Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
