I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
