Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
