Kiss
Puke
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
