My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
