honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
