I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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