At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
