I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
please don't ironically join a cult
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