five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize