It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
