dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
