Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
