so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
