yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
