Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
