where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
