Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
