Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
id be glad to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
