His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
