Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
