They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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