Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
