and you said cock pushups were impossible
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
