He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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