It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
