so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Bring me that man meat
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
