Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
