On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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