Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
