she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize