i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
