just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
