I can text with my tongue
are you so shy because you have an std?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
