Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
