sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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