I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
