i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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