Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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