so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize