You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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