My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Vodka?
Forever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
