She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
