just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
