just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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